Wright’s Writing Corner: Visceral Reactions — and Happy Saint Paddy’s Day!
My lovely and talented wife is at home cooking the Corn Beef and Cabbage to celebrate yet another saint’s day from the Roman Catholic calendar, this one Saint Patrick, who drove the snakes out of Ireland. You see, the sinister conspiracy of Paleopapal Roman Catholicism has its talons in all corners of the globe, and perhaps beyond the circle of Sulva! Just when you think your society is safely secular, Caths leap from their drunken barstools, reeking of incense, garbed in green, ready for another round of Mardi-Gras, making antic jigs, jerking knees and elbows aloft, meanwhile prune-faced hippies with hair and eyes as gray as used dishwater, the same ones who fret colorlessly about imaginary environmental apocalypses, will lecture us Christians on being not fun-loving. But who does not delight in the festive feast celebrated by boiled cabbage?!
And if you want to escape this ever-tightening noose of Papism, whence shall you flee? To the city of Saint Louis? Or Sacramento? San Juan? Santiago? St. Mary’s County, Maryland? Perhaps you can escape by watching the ball game: but Notre Dame is playing! Or listening to jazz: but St. James’ Infirmary is playing! We’re everywhere! Horrible! Take some St. Joseph’s Children aspirin for your headache.
And remember, it is the Puritans, Mormons and Muslims who do not drink! We have a Patron Saint of brewing! Not just one, but a round dozen! Saint Augustine of Hippo, Saint Nicholas of Myra, Saint Barbara, Saint Medard of Noyon, Saint Adrian, Saint Wenceslas, King Gambrinus, Saint Brigid, Saint Boniface of Mainz, Saint Arnold of Metz, St. Arnou of Oudenaarde and St. Arnold of Soissons. St. Arnold of Soissons, by the bye, is the patron saint of Boy Scouts and of Beer — a combination assured to ensure hilarity of spirit no matter in what proportions.
And I am not even halfway done. There is also Saint Cuthbert, who drove the birds away from the barley fields, Saint Florian, who quenched a raging fire with beer, Saint Lawrence and Saint Dorothy, who were tortured to death on cooking spits, and so became patrons not just of cooks, but also brewers.
St. Columbanus is also a patron of brewers. In the 6th Century came upon an assembly of pagans making ready a sacrifice with a large tub filled with beer in their midst, an offer to their god Wodan. St. Columbanus blew upon it, and immediately the vessel burst into splinters with a great noise and all the beer was spilled. He cautioned them that God loved ale, but only when drunk in His name.
Of course, it is Lent, so do not enjoy yourself and mourn your sins. Wipe that smile off your face! Pour ashes on your head. (Okay, well, we giddy Catholics cannot be funloving all the time — that would get wearisome indeed.)
In any case, the wife also has time to write her weekly writing tips column: this one happens to be on how to describe the Visceral Reactions of someone eating Corn Beef and Cabbage. And she has time to take our children to martial arts classes, where they can learn to karate chop joyless gray hippies and their enviro-worries.
Okay, that made even less sense than my normal introductions. Here is the link:
http://arhyalon.livejournal.com/113800.html
About John C Wright
John C. Wright is a practicing philosopher, a retired attorney, newspaperman, and newspaper editor, and a published author of science fiction. Once a Houyhnhnm, he was expelled from the august ranks of purely rational beings when he fell in love; but retains an honorary title.
