Space Princess Archive

The New Space Princess Movement expands!

Posted March 6, 2007 By John C Wright

What started as a literary movement, has now grown to effect all parts of the culture, including fashion. Yes, comerades, soon under the influence of these powerful new ideas sweeping the world, the old ways of dressing, blue jeans, blouses, what have you, will be swept onto the dustbin of history. All the womenfolk should soon be dressing in the new style.

I for one would be more eager to welcome our first female world ruler if she dresses and looks like this.

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Space Pirates Wooing Space Princesses

Posted February 27, 2007 By John C Wright

The revolutionary literary movement THE NEW SPACE PRINCESS MOVEMENT is only one day old, and already people have found the fundamental logical flaw in it. Namely, while ninja and dinosaurs are mentioned, what about Space Pirates? This is an importent point, and one that must be rectified! In order to lend more gravitas to the movement, I am reposting this peice I wrote last year for Meme Theurapy:

The fine fellows at Meme Therapy have posted a discussion about which Science Fiction starship one should own? The general consensus there is the TARDIS, as this vehicle travels both in time and space, is user friendly, and grants the Gift of the Time Lords, allowing one to speak all languages. However, this assumes that vehicle is ment to be used for sight-seeing or other Lawful Good purposes.

But we all know the real purpose behind man’s yearning for star-drive, do we not? The Lensman core was specifically designed in response to this real purpose: the real purpose of starships is to commit outrages on distant worlds and be away faster than the speed of light before the crime is detected. PIRACY! Being a pirate is passing brave, to be sure, but being a Space Pirate is the ne plus ultra of human ambition. It is like being a pirate, but with rayguns.

Let us agree, without further discussion, that the Death Star is the best SF star-vehicle for piracy. It has mass and presence, and when it is seen rising like a dark moon above the horizon of the capitol city of some hapless victim world, all will quail when the radios of the world clamour: THIS IS CAPTAIN BLOODSTAR of BOSKONE. PLACE ALL YOUR GOLD AND VALUABLES INTO ORBIT AT ONCE! Hapless redcoats will run every which way while TIE-fighters manned by scurvy Tortuga mongrels fly low over burning buildings, taking pot-shots at the panicked crowds.

But what act of piracy to commit? Looting treasure? Nawr, maties. Ar. That is not big enough. You want to kidnap a Space Princess and hale her back to your hidden lair on Skull Asteroid for a quick Pirate Wedding. Law won’t touch you if your married to Royalty! And not just any old Space Princess! We want a thionite-sniffers dream, a seven sector callout!

The question then merely becomes, which one? Which Space Princess do you want to carry off?
Many pictures of Space Princesses below the cut

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The New Space Princess Movement conquers the universe!

Posted February 26, 2007 By John C Wright

Right now the movement consists of me and Karl Schroeder, along with our honorary founder, Alex O. Raymond. However, we have achieved the very Matterhorn of fame, including mention at SFSignal.com, and a webcomic at Steve Wilson’s MY ELVES ARE DIFFERENT:

http://bp1.blogger.com/_DwjgYnVpvas/Rd13ocxd_KI/AAAAAAAAAHE/poRUQlci004/s1600-h/070221a.jpg

There! That is at least six people who know about it! The New Weird Movement is already beginning to quake, their teacups rattling in their nervous hands, looking from eye to eye with each other, seeking solace, wondering if the latest Bas Lag novel might not have been improved by the addition of a nubile half-clad space-princess named Adora or Alura!

We also have our own GEAR! Take THAT you rival literary movements!

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Manifesto for a New Literary Movement in Speculative Fiction

Posted February 21, 2007 By John C Wright

The esteemed John Scalzi at http://www.scalzi.com/whatever/004884.html has decided to write a non-literary manifesto, and to approach the writing of science fiction in a professional and even-headed fashion.

I’ve read OLD MAN’s WAR and can give it high praise for its readability—Mr. Scalzi knows the secret trick of making a reader turn pages—and for its likeable characters—I felt sorry for the main character by the end of three paragraphs, and I am something of a cold and standoffish man known for caning my inferiors. So, good for him.

I picked up the book because I saw Mr. Scalzi acting zany on YouTube, ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQ2eSH585Dk ) and I thought: “Funny! Me Laugh!” which is a sufficient recommendation for works of speculative literature created by the same artist as far as I am concerned.

I have some minor reservations about the book ( actually, two: 1. recreational sex in the co-ed military has no effect on unit cohesion, and all recruits indulge in the general orgy without thought, scruple, hesitation and without any personal attachments being formed 2. the technology of mind-transfer, immortality, and mind-creation has no impact on society. When a character breaks a leg, they don’t just switch him into a new body, and no nonhuman bodies are used: no fish-bodies donned for aquatic campaigns, for example), but my reservations would be pertinent only if one takes the book more seriously than I think the writer meant it. One reservation was that the plot threads were not wrapped up neatly: but since there is a sequel to the book out, THE GHOST BRIGADES, I may have to look at that to see if my reservations hold water. The book was good enough to make me want to read the sequel, so I am willing to give it a Harriet Klausner level of praise—four stars out of five.

Mr. Scalzi’s non-literary manifesto boils down to the idea of writing to allow novices ease of comprehension, what we economists call a low entry cost. It is an idea I think every writer should follow.

But me.

In that same spirit, I would like to announce my own literary movement and literary manifesto: THE NEW SPACE PRINCESS MOVEMENT.

The literary movement will follow two basic principles: first, science fiction stories should have space-princesses in them who are absurdly good looking. Second, The space princesses must be half-clad (if you are a pessimist. The optimist sees the space princess as half-naked). Third, dinosaurs are also way cool, as are ninjas. Dinosaur ninjas are best of all.

Looks like that’s three principles, no? Well, I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, “Mr. Wright, if you actually could tell what I was thinking, wouldn’t you be out somewhere using your mind-reading powers for the good of mankind?” The answer is, of course, no. If I had mind-reading powers, I would dress up in a black cloak and skull mask, and try to take over the world. I would be careful to speak of myself only in the third person, and describe my plans to my worthy adversary. Said plans should include dinosaurs, or ninjas, or dinosaur ninjas, and involve melting the polar ice cap with my space-based particle beam weapon. If I am lucky, my worthy adversary will be some bold consulting detective from England, with a name like Neyland or Sherlock, and he will have a doctor for a sidekick to write up the adventure. If I am unlucky, I will be thwarted by meddling teenagers and a talking dog. If I am very unlucky, my adversary will be The Shadow, who does not fool around. He knows; he laughs; he shoots. You frell with The Shadow, its not some comfy ride to Arkham Asylum for you, you just get a slug from a .45 blown through your ribs and lung tissue, and have an exit wound the size of a grapefruit. Even Shiwan Khan bought the farm, and he had MIND POWERS fer crissake. After surviving three encounters, The Golden Master gets locked in a golden coffin and dropped from a crumbing building into an inferno. If I am even more unlucky, I’ll get Richard Seaton as my adversary, which means the planet I am standing on, my entire race wherever situate in time and space, and maybe my galaxy might get wiped out by his seventh-order rays.

So you are probably wondering at this point: what about Space Princesses? Good question. The first thing to remember, in writing a scene with a space princess, is not to show her actually ordering her marine guards to drub the uppity peasants with the butts of their space-rifles. In fact, avoid mentioning that she is a monarchist at all. She can express concern for the common people to indicate her warmheartedness. Have her engaged in a political marriage to the odious Prince Blackworm of planet Doomshadow IV (or insert your own space-name here), but when she breaks off the engagement to wed and bed the hero, by no means have the space-kingdom lose the peace treaty on which the marriage, and all the hopes of her whole planet, depended. Indeed, no state marriage or alliance should ever be shown having any purpose or any consequences whatever. If the queen of Sparta runs off with Paris to the city of Troy, she is just being true to her own inner self: what possible bad consequences could come of it?

The second thing to remember: bare midriffs.