Now that I am a Catholic

First question: Where does my new name go? I am John Justin-Martyr Charles Wright? Or does it go after my middle name: John Charles Justin-Martyr Wright? Do I use the whole saint’s name (Justin Martyr) or only his Christian name (Justin)?

Someone call the Pope and ask him.

Next question: suppose I want to be an albino assassin flagellant from Opus Dei, sent by the magisterium to separate (or “incise”) the familiar spirit of science fiction author Phillip Pullman from his daemon, effectively robbing him of his humanity, before turning him over to the secular arm, but an opportunity arises to dirk to death the girl-messiah known as Aenea from the planet Endymion, marked for death by the Cyberpapacy. How do I reconcile this with the Christian injunction to turn the other cheek, and the benediction that blesses the peacemakers?

I have heard my whole life how corrupt and superstitious the Catholic Church is, so, now that  I am in, where do I sign up? I’d like to start with Simony. Can I buy Church offices wholesale, and then sell them through retail outlets? What are the tax implications?

Third question: why are my favorite authors, J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, Gene Wolfe, Mike Flynn, G.K. Chesterton, all members of this monstrous Syriac cult known as Christianity? I do like my freethinker authors just fine, but Bob Heinlein, Ayn Rand, Isaac Asimov and Arthur C. Clarke seem to have trouble with realism in characterization, both with their invented people, and with their invented societies.

Don’t get me wrong, I love their books, love and reread them many times, but the people who don’t believe in souls don’t seem to be able to portray their characters three-dimensionally and solidly, that is, as if their characters had souls.