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Someone asked me about the next novel I planned to write.

Given that my critics see pro-Christian propaganda in my anti-Christian propaganda that I wrote back when I was an antichristian, I have decided, out of deference to them, to avoid all mention of religion with absolute strictness!

These eagle-eyed interpreters of all things literary cannot be mistaken in their winkling out of the psychological roots of my writings, since they are able to detect motives lurking in my brain unknown even to me. Therefore I will defer to their judgment, and remove from my next book any scintilla of anything that is or might be redolent of a religious theme. There will be no firemen saving people from flames, for example, since that might be a Christian metaphor for something. None of the scenes will take place in St. Louis or on the St. Lawrence river. The college of Notre Dame will not be mentioned, and the Gregorian Calendar is right out. Also, no witches or warlocks, since these are figures from Christian folk lore.   When people are angry, I will not describe them as “cross.” I will also have to make sure all my female characters are buxom lesbian vampire slayers, so that no one will think I am trying to promote Christian stereotypes of women as maidens, wives, widows, nuns, saints, harlots, or what have you. (In case you are wondering, yes, I meant both types: buxom lesbian women who slay vampires, and slayers who only slay buxom lesbian vampires, leaving both the flat-chested vampiresses, the heteronormal vampiresses, and the male vampires to someone else.)

With that in mind, let me describe my current project!

My next book therefore will consist of a paratime conspiracy thriller where the Architect of the Tower of Babel from a parallel timeline where Babel never fell, breaks into our world when one of our scientists, a Dr. Simon “The Magician” Faustus, a Harvard symbologist, unwisely translates the Dead Sea Scrolls, and makes a pact with an extra-dimensional alien known only as “The Accuser” and finds the Tomb of Jesus — not empty, as some have said, but opening up a Stargate-like portal into parallel worlds.

He then finds the world to which where the severely wounded Jesus crawled so many years ago: a futuristic hospital run by the Nephilim, who are the sons of God and the daughters of men, mighty men of renown, from yet a third parallel world where the Flood of Noah never wiped these horrid children of Cain off the globe. The super high tech medicine of this world enabled the wounded Jesus to assume a wholly transcendental body, one incapable of wounds or pain, and able to appear and disappear at any point in time and space. But the trail of mystery seems to end there — Or does it?

But his opening of the gate between our Earth and the Antediluvian World also opens the gate between Earth and the Nephilim World. The Nephilim can read, write and speak all languages, and anything uttered in the Enochian language is understood by any hearer whatsoever, since they come from the world before the Confusion of Tongues.

Naturally, the Architect seeks to hide and destroy all evidence that Jesus actually existed and walked the Earth, and so has sent his agents, the Nine Samurai Vampire Warlocks of Kyoto, to destroy both Dr. Faustus and his lovely-but-European sidekick Sophia, a buxom lesbian vampire slayer, who turns out to be the descended from theMerovingian kings and therefore has the divine blood of Christ in her, blood which can redeem souls and cast down the Architect’s tower. She is only the only surviving legitimate heir to the Roman Empire and the love-child of Pope Joan, therefore, unknown to her, has been protected her whole life by the order of albino assassins known as Opus Dei.

The Samurai Vampires are driven back by the gypsy Secret Agent known as Prester John, who has the Fourth Nail, which ancient legend says the gypsies stole during the crucifixion, and for this reason Christ forgives the petty thefts of the Romani peoples. But that nail, when driven through the breast of Cain, the first murderer and sire of all vampires, will slay the whole race of unclean spirits forever! But before Prester John and Dr. Faustus can reach the burial ground of Cain (he was buried in Eden, the earthly paradise, which was swallowed into the ground when Lemuria sank) the Architect summons up the Locusts, creatures with the heads of women, bodies of horses, and tails of scorpions, at whose sting men long for death for five months yet do not die — our heroes are forced to flee our Earth, which is now entirely in enemy hands. No merchant is allowed to do business unless he has the special phylactery or sign of the Architect imprinted on his hand or on his brow: and the nations worship the Architect as God, and do him homage.

But just when all seems lost, the paratime travelers reach a version of Earth known as Blessed Earth, where Jesus Christ, instead of being crucified, was welcomed by the Jewish authorities, and Herod gracefully ceded his thrown to Him. Having reigned for thousands of years of peace and prosperity over the Romans and the Persians, the forces of Blessed Earth, where they have the technology to raise the dead, will storm through the Paratime Gate in the Bermuda Triangle to do battle with the Architect of the Tower. An evil Dyson Sphere swallows the sun, so that the sun is darkened. The Abomination of Desolation spoken of by Daniel the Prophet appears in the sacred mount.

There is a climatic battle in which all the children of Gog and Magog, two Nephilim, assault Jerusalem, which is being defended by Jackie Chan and his spunky niece, Jade. Lamont Cranston, revealed to be the reincarnation of the prophet Elijah, with the power to blind men’s minds, joins up with Tarzan, revealed to be Saint Francis of Assisi, and Doc Savage, revealed to be King Solomon restored to life, to do battle with the Mummy, who turns out to be Pharaoh Busares the Brother of Moses, Dracula, who turns out to be Caine the Antediluvian Patriarch of Evil, and the Wolfman, who turns out to be the Herod the Great, granted immortality during the slaughter of the innocents, but the price of losing his humanity during the full moon, as a Kallikanzaro. Leading the forces of evil is the Antipope Callistus XIII of Avignon.

Also present are cowboys, ninjas, robots, the creature from the Black Lagoon, dinosaurs from Atlantis, Sargent Rock and his Fighting Hellions, Joan of Arc, and a False Messiah named Paul Mu’ad-Dib.

As the Architect gathers all his forces against Jerusalem, St. Patrick from the Blessed Earth comes in disguise to shrive Dr. Faustus, who, in an unexpected twist of the plot, confesses, does penance, and is baptized in the blood shed from Sophia. Dr. Faustus burns his books and breaks his charming wand, and now finds he has the power to command the elements, cure the sick, and forgive sins. Walking bareshod and garbed in sackcloth, with nothing in his hands but the simple rod of a shepherd, Faustus goes forth to confront the Architect.

Meanwhile, St. George recovers the vril-powered Spear of Longinus from the Nazi underground city of Agartha, capital of the Hollow Earth, and rides forth to battle.

Babylon, that great city, is destroyed. Her sellers of purple lament.

Faustus finds the Architect in the ruins of Babylon and urges him to repent, and to receive the baptism of the Lord. But the Architect has one last trump up his sleeve! He uses the Final Paratime Gate to open a portal into a world of eternal fire and endless darkness, and the smoke of the burning rises up forever. Out from this last gate of all worlds, known as Wormwood, come all the monsters and abominations, chimera and deformities of every world that rejected Christ and His Gospel. Leading the charge is an evil scientist named Asrael and his daughter Lyra, whose souls are trapped in familiar animals following them, and the White Witch, Serafina Pekkala.

Saint Michael the Archangel finds the prayer-powered Mecha that has been hidden in catacombs beneath St. Brendon’s floating island for two thousand years, and does battle with the great Red Dragon in heaven. One third of the stars falls from the sky.

Meanwhile Captain Nemo and Robur the Conqueror locate the undersea palace of Leviathan, King of all the Sons of Pride, and do battle with it: the fury of the deadly undersea combat causes all the major tectonic plates to erupt into mountainranges of volcanoes, and one third of the ships on the sea are destroyed, one third of the creatures in the sea, and one third of the rivers turn to blood.

But then a mysterious figure known only as “The Carpenter’s Son” riding on the back of the great lion Aslan descend from the clouds and destroy the forces of the Architect with fire from heaven.

A giant cube-shaped Big Dumb Object descends from orbit and lands on the ruins of Jerusalem, and turns out to be an arcology made of transparent gold builded atop twelve jeweled foundations; the streets are gold and the twelve gates of pearl; the Lamb and the Father are seated in glory, and the old earth and heavens are fled away, and all tears are dried: the water of life springs forth from the throne of the Lamb, and by this river of life grow the trees whose leaves are for the healing of nations. The destruction of the Sun by the evil Dyson sphere turns out not to be a problem, since the Father is the light of the new city.

The Jews all spontaneously convert, and Queen Susan of Narnia is thrown into a lake of boiling fire for wearing lipstick and going to parties. That hussy!

A happy ending all around! I deliberately picked an ending no one would find controversial or offensive.

And there will be absolutely no Christian allegory, symbolism, or themes in this book at all. Just your typical space opera.

I wanted to use the title STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND, as the name for my book about paratime travelers lost in parallel dimensions, but I think that might be misinterpreted as having a religious overtone to it. Other possible names, such as I WILL FEAR NO EVIL or METHUSELAH’S CHILDREN or THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST or JOB were also ones I considered, but I had to reject for making too obvious a reference to religion: and I know that no famous science fiction writers ever make references to religion in their works, or in their book titles.

So I decided on a title with no religious overtones to it whatsoever: DEUS IRAE, or, Armageddon 2419 AD.