Wonder Woman’s New Blue Booties
As a philosopher, attorney, newspaper editor and political pundit, naturally my articles are only concerned with matters of the gravest import, substance, and profundity: such as what make-believe supergirls wear fashion-wise!
No doubt my horde of fan (Hi, Mom!) is wondering what brilliant insights and observations my trained legal mind can bring to bear on the latest fashion controversy that even now swirls like skintight Lycra around the iconic DC superheroine and her wardrobe. No doubt you are aching with curiosity to discover what trenchant insights and observations I, John C. Wright, author and savant, can bring to bear on the issue!
Well, curiositify no longer! We can turn immediately to a piercing yet insightful examination of the topic in its multiple aspects.
Here is the latest incarnation of the Amazing Amazonian of Sapphic Strength, Wonder Woman, as portrayed by Adrianne Palicki for an upcoming NBC show:
Photo Credit: Justin Lubin
Blue boots? What’s up with that?
Let us compare and contrast with the classic Wonder Woman, Linda Carter:
To begin with, I must say, these are both absurdly gorgeous looking females, and the costumes are both tight and reveal their luscious charms.
This leads us immediately to a first question: is this merely exploitive cheesecake, or is there a more realistic set of crime-fighting gear an immortal woman made of clay or using her brain energy to augment her muscles (take your pick) from an island of beautiful yet immortal warrior women of futuristic ancient Greeks would wear?
A closely-related second question that must be addressed is this: Are these images helpful to the developmental self-esteem of girls reading these comics, or do they create an unrealistic expectations?
Another question that cannot be eluded is this: should we not contemplate Bollywood film luminary Aishwarya Rai, and winner of the Miss World crown in 1994, would look like if dressed up as Wonder Woman?
And what would she look like, for example, wearing a really big hat?
Or what if she were partly a fish?
And along a similar line, what if cosplayer Alodia Gosiengfiao were dressed as the evil Baroness from G.I. Joe cartoons?
Or what about Scarlett Johansson portraying the Black Widow?
And what about some girl whose name I don’t know that I found on the Internet dressed up as Black Cat?
At this point, dear fan, you may be asking this —
You: Hold on a minute, John C. Wright, author and savant! Are you merely using this swirling controversy as an excuse to post picture after picture of absurdly gorgeous looking females in tight costumes displaying their luscious charms?
Me: Um. Could be. No, Wait! The picture of Aishwarya Rai in the big hat is not necessarily a tight costume.
You: Are you actually going to say anything pertinent or insightful about the new costume Wonder Woman is wearing?! Great Hera! She is wearing blue Lycra PANTS! And her boots are blue rather than the canonical red! Is that true to the original vision of Charles Moulton, inventor of the polygraph?
Me: I suggest we not inquire TOO closely into Charles Moulton’s original vision. Fredric Wertham may have been right about him.
On Paradise Island the Girls Play Many Binding Games! And Moulton was one sick puppy
You: What does that have to do with anything? I thought you were going to answer that question about whether this was merely exploitative cheesecake, or whether it would be more realistic for a clay golem animated by pagan-god magic (or a girl who can use her brain energy to strengthen her muscles, take your pick) hailing from a secret island of immortal yet beautiful warrior women of futuristic ancient Greeks to wear better combat gear?
Me: What? That was really supposed to be a question? Gosh, you do have too much time on your hands, fanboy.
Combat gear? She can deflect frickin’ machine-gun bullets with little metal bracelets she wears on her wrists ferchrissake! What, you think she needs a helmet and some bronze greaves?
Adding a Helm and Leg Armor makes the battle-corset MUCH more realistic
Me, still: You want to see a picture of what a real warrior woman dresses like for a real war? I happen to have one handy, and she don’t wear no red, white and blue bathing suit and a tiara that she throws like a boomerang:
Spc. Jennie Baez (47th Forward Support Battalion) in the Al Anbar province of Iraq on Sept. 27, 2006. DoD photo by Lance Cpl. Clifton D. Sams, U.S. Marine Corps.You: Well, I thought the question about such images forming unrealistic expectations in the minds of young girl readers of superhero comic books was a good question! Are you going to answer that one?
Me: You that that was a good question?!? Young girl readers don’t read superhero comics. Nobody reads superhero comics ever since they killed off Captain America, and we all realized the comic industry is a pack of stinking pinkos. Frell you, Stan Lee!
Girl readers read things like LOVE AND ROCKETS by the Los Bros Hernandez. Or maybe BONE by Jeff Smith. Or GIRL GENIUS by Phil and Kaja Foglio. Girl readers have taste.
In any case, I would not be worried about the unrealistic expectations of girl readers if they don’t grow up to be as pretty as a Wonder Woman or a Disney Princess. I would be more worried about other unrealistic expectations girl readers will get reading comics!
Imagine you are a hypothetical girl reader (or, if you are a girl reader, imagine you are you, except more hypothetical-looking). After being inspired your whole life by Wonder Woman comics, you have finally mastered (or, in this case, mistressed) the art of throwing your tiara like a boomerang, changing your wardrobe by spinning in a circle, talking animal languages, and deflecting bullets with your Femmizonium Bracelets. You have bought your first red, white and blue bikini, and, triumph of triumphs, you go to the hidden Amazon airfield to attempt your first solo flight in your invisible jet. With trembling yet eager hands, you open the invisible cockpit canopy and slide into the invisible pilot’s seat.
Only then do you realize that you cannot read the controls! They’re invisible!
What young woman would not have her youthful yet feminine dreams of lassoing Nazi aircraft while standing on the wing during flight of her own invisible jet dashed and shattered cruelly (cruelly, I say!) when the reality of the situation comes down upon her childhood fantasies like the buttocks of a fat man sitting down by accident on a kitchen seat where someone had left a cheesecake by mistake?
No, my dear friends, it is much more important that girl readers be given must more realistic expectations from superhero comics, such as the expectation that when she grows up, she will be able to capture villains by shooting a giant hairpin arrow from a bow at them with sufficient force to penetrate a brick wall.
After obscuring their vision with a powder-puff arrow, of course.
It is heartwarming to see when comics are both true to real-life crime-fighting techniques (many modern police departments do have a powder-puff archery division!) and yet do not compromise the femininity of superheroines, nor descend into mere gratuitous stereotypes, nor kill them and stuff them into refrigerators when the writer is feeling lazy, nor make them into curvaceous leather-clad objects of fanboy-lust, while imparting realistic life lessons in …. uh. Okay. I’ll stop now.
Um. Yeah. Those boots should be red. I don’t like the pants either. Kyle Raynor is not the real Green Lantern. And I hate Steve Trevor. What does she see in him?!
You: So what should the Wonder Woman costume really look like?
Me: Do you really have to ask?
Awwwww…
About John C Wright
John C. Wright is a practicing philosopher, a retired attorney, newspaperman, and newspaper editor, and a published author of science fiction. Once a Houyhnhnm, he was expelled from the august ranks of purely rational beings when he fell in love; but retains an honorary title.
