Feminine Names for Strong Women’s Novels
I read an article, to which I will not bother to link, which criticized HUNGER GAMES by Suzanne Collins on the grounds that the title of the work was not named after the main character, as it would have been (or so the writer implied) had the work starred a manly masculine man dripping with machismo.
Such works (or so the writer implied) are always and inevitably named after the hero, for example, the ODYSSEY is named after Odysseus, or OEDIPUS REX is named after a dog named Rex.
The reason why I will not bother linking to the essay is (1) it’s stupid and (2) I’m rude and (3) it’s just wrong.
That it is stupid we will take for granted, or you can look through the internet at random to find someone somewhere talking about HUNGER GAMES. If you find a stupid essay, that is the one I no doubt meant. If you find a good essay that I am criticizing unfairly, that is not the one. That I am rude we can take on the evidence of the paragraph given above, which could have been worded more courteously.
That it is wrong we can establish with a brief and biased and unscientific survey of titles I chose merely to make my point. It is simply not the case that “guy” books are named after the heroes and “girl” books are not. How many guy flicks are named after “what happens” to characters? Lord of the Rings? (refers to the antagonist, not to Frodo) Star Trek? (refers to the ongoing mission) Star Wars? (refers to the time of war) Total Recall? (Don’t remember what this refers to) Terminator? (bad guy) Predator? (bad guy) Alien? (bad guy).
This is fun! So let us compile a list:
- Hunger Games (Setting, or event)
- Dr. No (Bad Guy)
- Casino Royale (Setting)
- The Masks of Fu Manchu (Bad Guy)
- Tarzan of the Apes (Good Guy)
- Harry Potter and the Temple of Doom (good guy plus setting)
- Indiana Jones and the Philosopher’s Stone (good guy plus McGuffin)
- A Princess of Mars (refers to the heroine, or McGuffin, depending)
- Raiders of the Lost Ark (McGuffin, or maybe the bad and good guy taken as a group)
- Atlantis (Setting)
- Twilight (Lighting)
- Dune (Setting)
- Stranger in a Strange Land (Refers to the Protagonist)
- The Golden Age (Setting, time)
- Phoenix Exultant (McGuffin, prop)
- The Golden Transcendence (Setting, event)
- The Last Guardian of Everness (Refers to protagonist)
- Mists of Everness (Setting or prop)
- Orphans of Chaos (Good guys)
- Fugitives of Chaos (Same good guys called by another name)
- Titans of Chaos (Same good guys called by yet another name)
- Null-A Continuum (Setting or McGuffin, depending)
- Count to a Trillion (an Imperative command)
- The Hermetic Millennia (Setting, time)
- Judge of Ages (Good guy)
- The Concubine Vector (That bad buy from DESPICABLE ME)
But let us pretend there was no stupid essay, and pretend that a merely hypothetical person that criticized the book title as part of a general criticism that HUNGER GAMES is insufficiently ideologically pure according to feminist ideology, on the grounds that the main character, bow-hunter girl whose name I forget, is not “strong” enough.
Her Name is Catnip. Or something like that.
One criticism was that she never kills anyone, because, of course, strong women strongly portrayed as strong strongarmed strengthy strongwomen would be more authentic and strengthifying if you make your protagonist guilty of cold-blooded multiple homicide. Ri-ii-ight.
The unspoken idea behind this essay is that portrayals of women as being able in fiction to face in physical combat men and overcome them easily (yet without unsightly wounds or bruises) will bolster the self-esteem of young girls watching these shows, uplift their drooping spirits, and allow them the boldness needed to give up their dreams of being wives and mothers in a happy marriage, and instead pursue careers hunting arctic whales, seeking holy grails, and breaking out of jails, all jobs to which nature and their own natural inclinations incline them, and in which they will excel.
Or they can get boring jobs like guys do, and have bosses yell at them, and die sterile, childless, and alone.
Katniss. Knew I’d Remember the name. Note Black Suit.
Now you can criticize this theory on the grounds that, if young girls are getting their ideas of what women should act like from television and films, well, they need to get outside more. Maybe get a hobby. Like bowhunting.
The important point in such essays is that the strength, especially physical strength, is the one characteristic that all truly female women crave, in much the same way that all truly masculine men crave childbearing and childrearing. This is why little boys given a truck to play with will have a pretend tea party with it, and little girls given a Barby doll will bend her at the waist, with the legs as grip and head as barrel, and mimic gunning down her siblings.
To bear out this point, film makers and television executives inevitably select actresses to portray warrioresses who are slight and short and svelte and nubile and buxom and adorable and who look like, well, actresses or showgirls and nothing like linebackers.
Sometimes the young actresses are even squeezed or painted into skintight black outfits, no doubt because this is more realistic than wearing body armor during a firefight.
Whips and swords are the weapon of choice, because women generally have more upper body strength and longer arms than professional soldierboys, pirates, thugs, hitmen and so on.
Now it is true that not every movie and not every book has a young and fertile battle maiden squeezed or spraypainted into a skingtight black leather outfit.
Only every one I buy does.
Squeezing the actress into the skintight battlesuit or crimesuit has a long and honorable history in the realm of visual storytelling. This includes both heroines;
Young and Good Battle Maiden
And villainesses;
Young and Evil Battle Maiden
Which allows me to intrude an utterly gratuitous picture of the Catwoman. You knew it was coming.
Young and Evil Gratuitous Feline Battle Maiden
As so the films routinely portray men built like linebackers punching the sweet and svelte young actresses in the face over and over again, or trying to, and, because the audience does not want pretty people to look ugly, no unsightly wounds nor bruises nor even overmussed hair distorts the look of our nonbattlescarred young lovely.
You see, much as we hate to admit it, film-goers like to look at attractive people.
A guy can get in to a fight and get mussed and still look attractive to women because women tend to judge men by their personality characteristics, such as, for example, the man’s willingness to get into a fight.
Girls look attractive to men when they do not fight and get mussed and torn and scarred and bloody. This is because men tend to judge women based on how well they can fill out the curves or the skintight black battlesuit.
Young Evil Battle Maiden who Turns Good
This is presented as a more realistic portrayal of women than the way they were portrayed in the old days.
Now that you mention it, how DID women get portrayed in the old days? Here is an utterly unscientific and nonrandom sample.
We all know that the knuckle dragging unenlightened purveyors of trashy pulp magazines were part of a vast patriarchal conspiracy to degrade women! As you can see, the cowering and helpless maiden in this picture, a damsel in distress, is young and nubile, yet being menaced by….
Note Cowering and Helpless Maiden!
Oh, wait. That is the wrong picture. Please stand by.
Note Cowering and Helpless Maiden!
As you can see, the cowering and helpless maiden in this picture, a damsel in distress, is young and nubile ….
Hold it. I think I put the wrong files in the wrong place, or…. Here we go! Behold this image from the dim and dark days before Women’s Liberation, when women were merely the helpless and unarmed, uh…
Note Cowering and Helpless, uh….
As you can see, the cowering and helpless maiden in this picture, a damsel in distress, is….
… Is blowing the bloody innards out of someone. Wow. That is a lot of guns.
Trying again.
Note Cowering and Helpless Motorcycle Babe shooting hot lead
As you can see, the cowering and helpless maiden in this picture …. Jeez Louisa! This dame can drive a motorcycle one-handed while not looking and drilling the pursuit with her blazing smoke wagon.
Well, she looks nervous.
Somewhere I can find a picture from a pulp magazine of a dame who is NOT carrying a pistol!
As you can see, this helpless and cowering …. Wait, is that knife-wielding temptress sitting on that guy’s head?
Okay, so gals from swift-paced crime magazines don’t count. Let’s try a foreign adventure magazine! I am looking for images of helpless damsels to prove my point that pulps all portrayed women as frail little …
See? She’s not carrying a pistol!
So adventure magazines are no good. Let’s try a Western!
As you can see, the cowering and helpless maiden is, um, drilling a savage redskin while the idiot male is merely holding his rifle up in the air. I am not sure what this proves.
In this picture, the cowering damsel is not only shooting a roustabout lefthanded at a hundred paces in the dark, but she seems to be in the rescuer’s role, and she looks good in her little booties and cowgirl skirt while doing it.
I think this shows that Cowgirls are drop-dead sexy as being well armed.
So Westerns don’t count! Let us turn to space stories! Women are always chained to asteroids or carried off by green freaks in these torrid boys-only sci-fi mags!
As you can see there is a helpless and cowering damsel, who, um, is being rescued, it looks like, by that other damsel with a space-gun.
As you can see, the cowering and helpless damsel is shooting one-handed while scooting up an anchorline to a moving rocketship, something I could not do even on my best day with two assistants working a forklift.
In any case, this is still a demeaning portrayal of women as frightened, weak and unarmed … um … give me a moment to make up a reason why …
Note Helpless and … Aw COME ON!
As you can see, the cowering … wait. Is she hoisting that guy on her shoulder while blasting away one-handed? Now this is getting ridiculous. Back to the crime magazines!
Note Leggy Brunette. Wait. What was I looking for?
At least she is cowering.
I must be able to find SOME picture of a girl on one of these pulp covers being menaced or tied up or something. Ah! Here is one! A dame in chains!
Damsel in Distress. Armed with a Gat.
As you can see, the cowering and helpless maiden in this picture, a damsel in distress, is being menaced by …. urp! … someone she just shot in the face.
As you can see, the cowering and helpless … uh … royal queen of a totalitarian space empire has got the drop on the guy with her atomic space-pistol.
Boy, women were sure gun-happy in those days. Where is there a stereotypical damsel in distress?
Can we find at least ONE pic where the dame is not holding a pistol?
Note Cowering and Helpless Ski Babe with Laser Shotgun
Don’t be funny! I mean not holding a laser shotgun or any space firearm!
A space-flamethrower counts as a firearm! I said show me a dame with no firearms!
And not a dame sitting sitting on a horse carrying a sword, neither!
And not a dame sitting on a panther carrying a spear! No swords and no spears!
And not a dame sitting on a whatsits shooting lighting!
That means no flying space-dames shooting lighting! No lightning!
No flying witches shooting lighting neither! I mean it! NO LIGHTNING!
Now you are just mocking me….
As you can see, the cowering and helpless damsel … hold it! I am looking for a picture of a maiden in peril menaced by evil, not a female Robin Hood who is leading the adventure! This means no inter-dimensional space empresses armed with bows!
No girls of any rank, empress or not, armed with bows!
No Crossbows! Crossbows count as bows!
No knives either!
This is better. At least the girl looks like she needs some help, because she is out of ammo and clubbing a space-masher to death while fending off a red hot space-chain. But she is still not helpless and unarmed enough.
Hey! That girl has a knife!
Show me some helpless damsel in peril, and not armed to the teeth! Otherwise I cannot make my point!
As we can see, this helpless and sultry and smoldering-eyed exotic vixen is armed and dangerous — hold it! I said no knives! That means no yataghans and no kukri!
And no sultry and smoldering-eyed exotic vixens either!
Finally! An unarmed woman — wait! What is that in her slinky nylon stocking? No stilettos! Besides, smoldering-eyed Spaniards still count as exotic! Especially if she dresses like that!
As you can see, the cowering and helpless … Wait! She’s got a dirk! And a crown! And broody witch-queenish magic powers!
Here we see a cowering and helpless female … wait. What the heck is she shooting him with? She is blasting him with her FACE?!?
Are you telling me that gals on these old pulp magazine covers who had nothing in hand by way of weaponry were allowed to blow up monsters anyway?
Can’t we find a pulp cover where the dame does not have a space-pistol or space-sword or space-spear or a laser-shotgun or space-bow or a knife or dirk or stiletto or magic powers?
Note Really, Really hawt Redhead in skintight Battlesuit
As you can see, the cowering and helpless space monster being hacked to bits by the Black Amazon of Mars.
Okay, I give. A lot of them there dames in the old days had lots of weapons, and they were all good looking. Especially that redhead. Yowsa.
I am sure I can find some book cover or magazine cover from the old days portraying a helpless female protagonist! They are commonplace! Ah! Here is one! I pity the unrepentant unreconstructed purveyor of anti-feminine stereotypes who wrote this potboiler!
Some Pulp Space Opera from the Old Days
You see, if a professional like me had written this book, I would have made the protagonist a strong and powerful figure of power and strength, and made her an immortal and ancient goddess with fourth-dimensional superpowers or something like that!
But I can tell at a glance at this cover that this book probably has her using her sex appeal as a weapon, or taking bubble baths in front of the bad guys, or wearing a sexy schoolgirl uniform and getting spanked, and getting bound and gagged at least twice! And the pulp trash probably has a fight scene stretching across twelve chapters and two earths and five dimensions! And she probably STILL does not commit any cold blooded murders like a female should do in order to be a properly feminist role model!
Wow. I am sure glad those days are long gone!
Actually, all kidding aside, if anything the modern portrayal of battle maidens is even less realistic (and tasteful) than the days of yore.
Yes, there were plenty of women menaced by menaces back in the day. It still sells. Things like that don’t change.
Menaced Maiden circa 1912
Menaced Maiden circa 1939
Menaced Maiden circa 2012 — a century later and nothing has changed
And yes, there were many a pulp magazine cover showing a menaced maiden chained to an asteroid or carried off by a green freaks.
But look at modern horror movies, and you will see women in worse situations, portrayed more graphically and with a lot more screaming and suffering. The only thing that has been removed is the dignity and decency, the romance and adventure.
There is no conspiracy to rob womankind from the dubious benefits of portraying them as battle-crazed Amazons in any of these magazines or books or stories. All that we see is a conspiracy to sell a product that can entertain an audience for an hour or an afternoon. And so there is action and adventure and danger and sex appeal.
The only thing that has changed, is that men are no longer portrayed as manly, willing and able to protect a princess who needs protecting.
This is what the feminists try to take away from the ladies:
Romance. The romance is what they want to take from you, ladies.Feminists don’t want menfolk to treat you like the princesses you are.
- I would have willingly depopulated all Barsoom could I have reached the side of my Dejah Thoris in no other way.
You see, if feminists were actually feminine, they would not feel weak nor desire strength. Like facial hair, physical strength and warlike aggression is not a trait males prize in a mate. We got it covered.
Feminine women desire a good man the way a cavalryman desires a good horse. If ever a so-called cavalry officer were to be found forever trying to outdistance his equine in a footrace, and then saying a “true” cavalryman needs a horse like a fish needs a bicycle, the true foolishness of the conceit would be plain.
As mothers and sweethearts and wives, the female sex already rules the male sex much more entirely, from the inside, than any masculine drill sergeant or king or emperor, from the outside, can hope to rule.
About John C Wright
John C. Wright is a practicing philosopher, a retired attorney, newspaperman, and newspaper editor, and a published author of science fiction. Once a Houyhnhnm, he was expelled from the august ranks of purely rational beings when he fell in love; but retains an honorary title.
