How do you match up?
Here are some signs that you’re a science fiction nerd, and remember, resistance is futile.With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, you might be a sci-fi geek if…—you own not one but two V miniseries on DVD,
— if you understood a single word coming out of the mouth of the old computer-program dude (the Architect, if you want to get technical …and if you want to get technical then you truly are a geek) at the end of The Matrix Reloaded.
I am geeky enough that in my Buffy/Highlander/Smallville role-playing game, I had Morpheus (Fishburn from THE MATRIX) be one of the three people carrying one of the tokens of the Sandman (Morpheus of the Endless from SANDMAN) — the gem allowed him to see into the dreams of the computers Skynet and Collosus, but his human mind could not control the Endless power, and so he became convinced that the computer dreams of a world ruled by computers was real, and that his waking world was a matrix of illusion. Neo was the chosen one for the same reason Buffy was the chosen one. The Watchers council in that game, who watched the duels of the immortals, was also the watchers council who oversaw the Slayer: and the council had been founded in Enochian prehistory by the Grigori (the Watchers), the leader of which was named Uata. Pretty funny, actually, how neatly various ideas from different sources fit together.
— You’re undoubtedly a Dorkus Maximus if you have ever substituted terms like ”frak” (Battlestar Galactica) and ”frell” (Farscape) for actual down-to-earth curse words. Your intergalactic potty mouth should be immediately rinsed out with soap, or at the very least rinsed out with something manly like…I don’t know. What do manly people drink, Jack Daniel’s?
— While we’re discussing beverages, if you have ever put food coloring into your drinks to make them look like the funky space cocktails served at Quark’s bar, then you are most definitely drunk on dorkiness. Actually, come to think of it, if you even know what the hell Quark’s bar is, you qualify.
— If you have ever at any point in your life donned Spock ears, proceed immediately to the end of this column. No further testing is required.
— Do you enjoy mercilessly mocking Jar Jar Binks, yet sometimes catch yourself humming the melody from the Ewoks’ celebratory jingle, ”Yub Yub”? It may be time to take a long, hard look in the mirror…after you remove your oversize Wicket W. Warrick costume, that is.
— Speaking of which, if you have ever carried on a conversation that contained the phrase ”midi-chlorians,” then the Force (of geekdom) is strong with you, my friend.
— I pray for your soul if you have found yourself in the awkward position of mounting a defense for The Arrival (featuring a goatee-rocking Charlie Sheen) with an argument that goes something along the lines of ”Seriously, it’s not that bad. See, the global-warming thing is not our fault after all. It’s the aliens, man! The aliens!” (Not that I ever did that or anything.)
— Enjoy penning fan fiction? Go take a seat next to the Vulcan-ear posse.
— Are you able to decipher each of the following acronyms: TNG, HRG, ESB, BSG, TARDIS, and (this one’s a toughie) CSM? Congrats, you’re one of us.
I think I should get partial credit for knowing LMD stands for Life Model Decoy.
And whenever any military guys mention damage from a Rocket Propelled Grenade, it always takes me a moment to realize they are not talking about damage points in a Role Playing Game.
About John C Wright
John C. Wright is a practicing philosopher, a retired attorney, newspaperman, and newspaper editor, and a published author of science fiction. Once a Houyhnhnm, he was expelled from the august ranks of purely rational beings when he fell in love; but retains an honorary title.
