September 28, 2009 12:55 pm

My dearest friend Partywhipple sends along this link.,23599,26135072-2,00.html

He makes this comment:

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS????? This means that the dream of every man, to punch Hitler in the face, may yet still live!!!! I assume his brain is in a shark or a giant robot in South America. Or on the dark side of the Moon. We must immediately destroy the moon. Yes, it would lead to horrible devastation on Earth. But we would have a bad ass ring afterwards. The mind reels at the implications of this news!!! *flails*

My comment: I love it when the real world turns out to be stranger than a Tim Powers novel. Someone put in a call to Elijah Snow of Planetary magazine–there is clearly much secret history here we know nothing of.

And of course I agree about destroying the moon. Suppose the first aliens we meet are not friendly vegetarians like the Vulcans, but are instead ferocious Kzin, or remorseless Klendathu, or sinister Eeich?

Suppose even now minds immeasurably superior to ours, but as mortal as our own, scrutinize our world as someone with a microscope studies creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water?

Ah! But they would no more dare to assault us, once they saw the evidence the Luna had been smashed into a belt of asteroids, than we would dare to attack lordly Saturn that so casually consumed two or more of its own children, once moons inhabited by rebellious slave-races: nor to attack those cold and disembodied Minds, whoever they were, that destroyed the nameless Fifth Planet which once sailed happily through space between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter, now shattered into fragments! Then to deter intergalactic foes, we should destroy the sun.

Annihilating the Moon would also have the beneficial side effect of exterminating the Grand Lunar and all the socialist bugs of that cold sphere, as well as the abhorrent and cannibal quadruped race known as the Va-gas of Va-nah, and not to mention killing off those nameless inhabitors of the cold sphere of Sulva who are an accursed people, full of pride and lust. There when a young man takes a maiden in marriage, they do not lie together, but each lies with a cunningly fashioned image of the other, made to move and to be warm by deveilsh arts, for real flesh will not please them, they are so dainty in their dreams of lust. Their real children they fabricate by vile arts in a secret place.

Sadly, the secret compacts between the White House (made during the administration of James Norcross, the Super-president), the U.N.C.L.E., the coven of dark warlocks headed by Alan Moore, not to mention the secret Lord of the Earth, Red Orc, together have signed with the Inhumans of the oxygen-bearing Blue Area of the Moon, forbid us from destroying Luna until after the Inhuman city of Attilan is removed (by means of a spindizzy engine) to a safe location on a second yet invisible moon of Earth, known as Basidium, the mushroom planet. Unfortunately an environmental impact statement is needed before the Great Refuge can be spirited from one sphere to another, and this process takes years or decades.