Fifth Wave Feminism

I had recently come to realize that the feminist movement is not feminist at all. It is masculinist.

By this I mean, the purpose of Fourth Wave feminism (if you wish to judge not by what they say, but by what they do, and to know the fruits, so to speak, by their fruits) is not to make women legally and culturally equal to men, but to make them be men: that is, to abolish the female from life and thought altogether.

No clearer homage could be paid to the concept that males are superior to females than the tacit acknowledgement that the only path to equality was imitation. What the feminists are doing is about as insulting and degrading to women as if the Civil Rights movement of Martin Luther King, rather than abolishing Jim Crow laws, kept those laws in place, and instead urged all Negros to have their skin dyed white.

I cannot think of a deadlier insult, or a more outrageous.

For many a year my admittedly limited brain refused to accept that this was what the feminists were actually seeking, because, of course, as we all know, women are the superior sex. (They are not the superior gender. Gender is a part of speech. Only people who hate sex and hate women would demean them by referring to them as a “gender”. A “gender” is something artificial you put on. To call a woman’s sex her gender would be like referring to the Black Man’s race not as a race but as a “costume”.)

What are the distinctive marks of womanhood, the thing that makes women women instead of dickless men with breasts? Even the man from Mars can tell that: women bear children rather than father children. This has immediate and inescapable social and political implications: by nature, women must be more careful in the choice of mate than the man, for she will carry the child nine months. Hence, sexual purity is and must be more important to and for woman than men.

Her bond with the child will be maternal; she has to be more concerned with the character of the child as it is reared and must be gentler with it than the wont of a man, who tend to be driven to get the task done rather than teaching you to feel good about getting the task done. Hers is a longer term strategy, one that builds character. Hence, women by the nature of the task nature demands they perform for the preservation and generation of the race must take on the qualities of gentle moral persuasion and spirituality that all prior generations recognized as typical and normal for them. They talk things out rather than shout each other down.

Women also have to build the character of the hapless bridegrooms they marry, or else the man will continue to act like a bachelor, a form of life lower on the great evolutionary chain of being than the bear or the jackanape. Sorry, guys, but admit it.

If these are the distinctive marks of womenhood, how do we find the feminists disposed to them?

Instead of embracing and glorifying them, the feminists regard all signs of femininity with the horror a Jewess escaping from a concentration camp would regard the Yellow Star — her dogma is that all signs of femininity are signs of degradation.

Hence, the feminists offer the following witch’s bargain to the young women of the rising generation: in order to be equal to a man, you must do man’s work; in order to do man’s work, you must compete on equal footing with him; this means you may not have children during your journeymen and early mastership years, 18 to 28. These are your most fertile and sexual years biologically: you must chemically neuter yourself doing those years, becoming artificially sterile, and use your sex drive only for self gratification, not for sex.

Now suppose we did not know the sex of the person offering the bargain. If a man said that to a woman “all you need to do to be equal to me is stop being a woman for a few years, give up motherhood, eschew the characteristics of maternal gentleness, fertility, and domesticity associated with femininity, and, in a word, stop being a woman in any way — only then will you be an equal to man! Raising babies is not as important as fixing cars and fixing horseraces…” would we not all acknowledge that the men was an outrageous sexist pig, and an enemy of womenhood? Why, then, do we consider this advice sage rather than sinister when coming from a woman?

Oh, and the man then adds, “And if you REALLY want to be equal with me, you will have the same cavalier attitude toward sex that the lowest example of my half of the race displays, that is, to regard the opposite sex as victims to be conquered and prey to be despoiled of virginity. Only Don Juan is truly liberated: Odysseus who turned away from goddesses and sought his wife for decades was a putz. Whore around with me! I will respect you in the morning, if, like me, you want to have the demeaning form of sexual congress that accompanies out of wedlock copulation. Put on this playboy bunny outfit.” Only an extremely naive women would fall for that line.

The Fourth Wave feminists  draw this warped logic to a warped conclusion: motherhood is a sign of inequality, but so is virginity, and so is being a bride, and so is natural sex, therefore the only truly liberated woman is someone neither a wife nor virgin, matron nor maiden. Logically this means the only truly liberated woman is a harlot, or someone raising her child by herself, or crying over her children she has slain, unborn, and never held in her arms. This is the least free imaginable position for a woman to be in: picture a White House intern on her knees in front of a man who has such contempt for her that he will not wed her, in a society whose contempt for her is such that it does not demand he do so. She services him, and he kicks her away when he no longer is amused by her. Her sister feminists then turn on her and side with the man. That is freedom? That is equality?

And what do they get in return? Women now have the high privilege that, when the conversation turns to rape, it is asserted with all earnestness that women can “rape” men. The meaning of this word and others is broadened to Orwellian jabberwocky, so that women can feel that peculiar type of so called self-esteem that is bestowed by the insincere courtesy of strangers, and rejoice in their nominal equality with men: we are all rapists now.

You’ve come a long way, baby! Have a coffin nail.

So, in an effort to break the evil hypnotic spell the feminists have cast over the human race, let us here and now announce a Fifth Wave of feminism, a true feminism, which glorifies womankind and reduces we mere males back into our deservedly lowly position as breadwinners and heads of households, whose mission in life is to cough up money enough to support a wife and kids, and have the wife at home so that hired daycare strangers are not raising them.

Fifth Wave feminism demands that reactionary feminists and enemies of mankind stop insulting and demeaning women, womanhood, and womankind. Women are heroines, not heroes, mothers, not caregivers, and in the professions and the arts, woman are businesswomen, authoresses, poetesses, and aviatrixes, and anything else her bold heart and feminine spirit can conceive, and will no longer allow the feminine nature to be robbed from their accomplishments, or the feminine endings to be robbed from their names:

The era of the Amazons, who try to be like men by cutting off their breasts and dressing (spiritually and actually) in male trousers is over and dead! From now on, it is women who shall wear the skirts in life!

Fifth Wave feminism demands that men return to their ancient and servile status as suitors, chaste lovers, bridegrooms. With one voice, the sisterhood of all true feminists everywhere cries out: “WE WILL BE COURTED, DAMN IT! No more of this casual sex that exploits the woman and leaves the man looking smug. No more hook ups. No more cheap dates.

“You will hold the damn door for me, take off your damn hat, buy me flowers, and pay for the meal and the show. No kissing until the second date. If I let you hold my hand (and I will be wearing gloves) count your lucky stars. If you do not have a hat, go out and buy one.

“And cut your hair! You are not GOOD ENOUGH to have long hair: that privilege is reserved to the gentler and therefore the nobler sex.”

Fifth Wave feminism denounces no-fault divorce as a crock of shit, something meant to break up families, deter marriage, insult fatherhood, and leave women to be abandoned for trophy wives: a nation where half the marriages end in divorce and more than half the abortions eliminate the girl-babies rather than the boy babies is not a women-friendly environment, nor one that leads to love and trust between the sexes. No girl in her right mind wants to grow up in this chaotic anti-female free-for-all where her only choice is between becoming a loveless Amazon or becoming a loveless victim of male exploitation.

Fifth Wave feminism holds that gay marriage is impermissible, on the grounds that marrying males is a privilege too rarefied for males. You are not good enough to be women, so stop acting like it. (Of course, since no-fault divorce laws gutted the meaning of marriage long ago, this issue is moot.)

Lesbian marriage, while nobler and more understandable, abolishes the distinction of the sexes and is therefore, despite what is seems, also an insult to womanhood, especially to the maternal instinct and role. (Albeit many a sister in Fifth Wave feminism still holds this question not settled.)

Fifth Wave feminism likewise holds that unnatural sexual acts, hereafter to be known by the euphemism, “The Sin of Clinton,” are degrading and insulting to women, on the grounds that the female womb is desecrated and insulted if a male thrusts his male member into any other orifice aside from the life-giving womb: to equate the sacred mystery of femininity with the mere physical sensation of penis gratification is the same as to demean women to the status of sexual toys: it is a mortal insult.

Fifth Wave feminism holds that sterilizing women, even temporarily, and even at their own consent and insistence, is the deepest possible degradation to femininity imaginable. It makes the female not female. It reduces the all-powerful mystery of maternity to none effect; it reduces the role of women from wives and mothers and queens of their households to mere adjuncts and playthings of  powerful and indifferent men, or boys who can commit to nothing. It make the price of sex cheap. It makes women cheap. We utterly denounce and eschew all practices of artificial contraception and sterility as the silent killer of woman’s happiness and the despoiler of women’s lives.

To assert that women do not have the willpower or the discipline to remain virgin until marriage and chaste within marriage is the same as to call all women harlots and weaklings. It is the same as to call them she-monkeys, mere animals ruled by lusts, rather than heroines called to highest virtue. It is an insult to women. We have been indoctrinated in this false consciousness and message of weakness of by every means imaginable: we utterly reject it. Fifth Wave feminists proudly announce to the world the resounding call: WOMEN ARE NOT WEAK!

Fifth Wave feminism opines that men and women are not psychologically the same. In fact, we hold that men and women are members of two different alien species (men from Thuban or Alpha Draconis, and women from Vindamiatrix or Epsilon Virginis) merely forced by odd cosmic coincidence to come together to reproduce each other.

Fifth Wave feminism celebrates the feminine. In religious practice, we hold that any Church which admits female priests (or “priestesses” see below) into the ranks of an all-male priesthood, particularly one that has to hear confession, and listen to the endless droning of losers with really boring and demeaning sins to confess, demeans womanhood just as much as if women were asked to serve as garbageman.We will not soil our hands. There is plenty of chores suited to our higher and motherly natures, and we can serve as abbesses, nuns, and saints.

Fifth Wave feminism celebrates motherhood as sacred, and as a woman’s highest calling in life. Women can do what an envious Dr. Frankenstein can only dream of doing: their power is to Create Life!

We also hold virginity as sacred, not only because a woman who is sexually pure is sacred, but because it is something women can do better than men. A guy who is sexually pure is merely a bachelor, a form of life lower on the Darwinian scale of being than a bear or jackanape (see above).

Best of all would be a virgin who could also give birth, but of course you would have to be a zany Christian to adore such a figure. (We Fifth Wavers may be eccentric, but, come on. Let’s not get extreme.)

It is to be remembered that God Almighty created all his works in the order of their perfection: plants lowest, then birds and fish, the beasts and Adam, and on the holiest sabbath day, Eve.

Anything that abolishes or de-emphasizes the difference between the sexes we now perceive, having been fooled for years by reactionary feminists and enemies of mankind, to be an insult to women, and to be an attempt to drag women down to the humble and grubby status of the male creatures with whom they are forced to share the planet. And pick up after them.

But more importantly than any real world implication of Fifth Wave Feminism, we ask, nay, we demand that the English language be changed to pay special homage and adoration of womanhood, so that certain words be set aside to refer to women. Any use of sneaky so-called gender-neutral terms we denounce as an insult to womanhood and as a covert or overt attempt to rob womankind of her most glorious triumph and highest honor: namely, that all woman shall proudly say, “We are not males!”

Especially note that when using Latinate words, such as “aviator” to refer to an aviatrix, or “alums” to refer to an alumni, you will sound stupid if you try to neuter women of their sex and rob feminine words of their gender.

And you are not robbing the English language of words like “heroine” and “enchantress” except you take the pen from my cold, dead hands, you harpy freaks. Fie on you, and a curse on your breed!

Alumnae, alumniGraduates, alums, alumnae/i
AncestressAncestor, foremother
BasemanBase player
Bellboy, bellmanBellhop
Brakeman (bobsled)Brake operator
Brakeman (train)Conductor’s assistant
Busboy, busgirlWaiter’s helper, waiter’s (or serving) assistant
BusinessmenBusiness people
Career girlBusiness woman
Cavemen, Cavegirl Cave dwellers, cave people
Chairman, chairwomanChair, head, preside, presiding officer, convener, leader, moderator, coordinator
ClergymenClergy, clerics, members of the clergy
Coed (noun)Student
Confidence manSwindler
CongressmenRepresentatives, Congressional representatives, members of Congress, Congress people
Copy boy, copy girlCopy clerk, runner
CraftsmenCraftspeople, artisans, craft workers, crafters
DeliverymanDeliverer, delivery clerk. courier
DirectrixDirector, administrator, conductor
DoormanDoorkeeper, doorkeep
Drum majoretteDrum major, baton twirler
EnchantressEnchanter, sorcerer, magician, fascinating woman
Englishman, EnglishwomanEnglander, Briton
EquestrienneEquestrian, rider, horseback rider
Farmerette, farmeressFarmer
FiremanFire fighter, stoker (ships and trains)
FishermanFisher, angler
ForefathersAncestors, forebears, foremothers and forefathers
Forelady, foremanSupervisor, boss, leader, head juror
FrenchmenThe French
FreshmenFirst-year students, yearlings
Gentleman’s agreementUnwritten agreement, agreement based on trust
Girl Friday, man FridayAide, key aide, assistant, helper
HandymanFixer, jack-of-all-trades
HeiressHeir, inheritor
Horseman, horsewomanRider, equestrian
HusbandmanFarmer, husbander
InstructressInstructor, teacher
KinsmenKin, Kinfolk, relatives
LaundressLaunderer, Laundry worker
LaymenLay people, laity
MailmanMail carrier, letter carrier, postal worker
Man, mankind (meaning the human species)The human species, Homo sapiens, humans, humanity, humankind, the  human family, human beings, human societies, people, we, us
Man (meaning person)Person, one, individual, you, I
Man (as verb)Operate, work, staff, serve at ( or on or in )
Man-hoursWork-hours, labor time
Man-madeHandmade, hand-built, human-made,  synthetic, manufactured, fabricated, machine-made, constructed, simulated
Man of lettersLiterary person, writer, author, pundit
Man of the yearNewsmaker of the Year
ManpowerPersonnel, staff, human resources, labor, people power, muscle power
Man-to-manOne-to-one, one-on-one, person-to-person
MatronMarried woman, supervisor, prison guard
Mediatress, mediatrixMediator
Meter maidMeter attendant, meter tender, meter reader
MiddlemanContact, go-between, intermediary, agent
NewsmanNewsperson, reporter, journalist
Number one manHead, chief, number one
Number two manSecond in command, chief aide
Office boy, office girlOffice helper, office assistant, clerk
One man, one voteOne person, one vote
One-man showOne-person show, solo show, one-artist show
One-upsmanshipThe art of one-upping
PatronessPatron, benefactor, sponsor, mentor
PitchmanHawker, promoter
Policeman, policewomanPolice officer
Procuress Procurer, pander
ProprietressProprietor, owner, owner-manager
Right-hand manChief assistant, lieutenant
Salesman, saleswoman, saleslady, salesgirlSalesclerk, salesperson, sales agent, sales representative(or rep)
ScotsmanScot, Scotlander
SeamanSailor, mariner, seafarer
SeamstressTailor, needleworker
SeeressProphet, seer, clairvoyant
ShepherdessShepherd, pastor
SignalmanSignal operator, signaler
SorceressSorcerer, enchanter
SpacemanAstronaut, spacefarer, space traveler
Spokesman, spokeswomanSpokesperson, representative
SportsmanshipFair play, fairness
StarletYoung star, star in the making
State policemanState trooper, trooper
StewardessSteward (ship, union shop), flight attendant (aircraft)
Straw manStraw, straw person
Surrogate motherBiological (or natural) mother, gestational mother
SwitchmanSwitch operator
TemptressTempter, enticer
TragedienneTragedian, actor who plays tragic roles
Traitoress, traitressTraitor, betrayer
TrashmanTrash collector
VillainessVillain, scoundrel
WaitressWaiter, server
WardressWarder, prison warden, warder, guardian, keeper
WatchmanWatch, guard
Weatherman, weather girlWeather reporter, weather caster, forecaster, meteorologist
WorkmanlikeEfficient, skillful