From the pen of Simcha Fisher

A bit of wisdom from a Christian woman (Who are sexier than atheist women, because they submit to their husbands, and don’t indulge in artificial sterility or prenatal infanticide. Sorry, God-haters. You know it is true.)

Ten Things I Wish I Had Known as a New Wife

by Simcha Fisher Friday, August 26, 2011 

1.  You’re just an amateur, and that’s why your marriage isn’t perfect. The first meal I cooked was disgusting, indigestible—but I learned over time, and now I have the hang of it (with the occasional mealtime disaster). It’s the same with marriage, which is a much more complicated recipe to follow. Be patient with yourself and your husband, and be patient with the relationship. You’re in it for the long haul. Things that are worth doing take time to learn.

2.  Do not mention divorce. Do not even allow words beginning with the letter “d” to cross your brain. If you’re hurt and angry with your husband, but it was a valid marriage and he isn’t doing any of the things listed in those abuse hotline posters in the YMCA bathroom, then remember that you married a human being, not a god. You can either work it out or learn to live with it, but no, you cannot leave.

3.  Pray together every night, even if it’s just a three-pack (an Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be—the go-to evening prayer for tired or lazy Catholics). If your husband doesn’t want to pray, then snuggle up to him in bed and pray silently. The Holy Spirit sometimes appears unable to distinguish between two married people, and may react as if you’re praying together.

4.  Don’t be anxious to prove that you have a happy home by producing instant traditions. Traditions take time to develop. It’s hard to have a complete-feeling holiday with just two people, especially with no kids around. Also, newlyweds are often poor. (Yes, the best things in life are free. Christmas trees, however, are expensive; and so are the other trappings of the holidays.)

Read the other 6 things here:
Yes, I said Christian women were more attractive than Atheist women. To prove my point, here is a photo of an attractive Christian woman. They all look like this, and this is the way we make all our womanfolk dress:
Okay, just kidding. THIS is the real way all Christian women look and dress:
Sorry, still kidding. THIS is the way real Christian women look and dress. Uh. If they are Jean Simmons:
And here is a picture of Rebeca the Jewess from the film version of Ivanhoe.
This seems at first to cut against my theory, so let’s press on.
And here is a picture of Catwoman, who is an evil supervillainess, and, by all accounts, the most attractive jewel thief in Gotham City:
And here is a picture of Aishwarya Rai, who is Hindu, by all accounts, the most attractive woman on the planet today.
And here is a picture of Helen of Troy, by all accounts the most attractive woman on the planet in days of old, who was a pagan devout, or at least, harassed by, the Gods of Olympus, and the daughter of one of them.
© Copyright 2011 nudemuse, All Rights Reserved.
So, the ranking of beautiful women seems to go Classical, Hindu, super-villainess, Jewess, Salvation Army, Nun, Amishwoman. Whatever point I was trying to make was lost somewhere around the posting of the picture of Catwoman.
So all young brides should heed the advice of Mrs Fisher!