Not Tired of Winning Yet LXXXI

This is, again, not a campaign promise of Trump come true, but merely something that would not have happened had Trump not been elected.

Now for these words from John Hugo:

Super Happy Fun America advocates on behalf of the straight community in order to build respect, inclusivity, equality, diversity, unity, solidarity, dignity, social mobility, empowerment, sustainability, justice, awareness, intersectionality, human rights, education, access, participation, dialogue, visibility, tolerance, and alliances with people from all walks of life.  We encourage everyone to embrace our community’s diverse history, culture, and identity regardless of sexual orientation.

“Straight people are an oppressed majority. We will fight for the right of straights everywhere to express pride in themselves without fear of judgement and hate. The day will come when straights will finally be included as equals among all of the other orientations.” – John Hugo, President of Super Happy Fun America

Strength is our diversity!

I am pleased to report that this gentleman, John Hugo, along with Gandalf the Gray, Gandalf the White, And Monty Python and the Holy Grail’s black knight, Benito Mussolini, and the Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, and Jambie the genie, Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader, Lo-pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, the Rock, Doc Oc and Hulk Hogan, have petitioned to hold a Straight Pride Parade in Boston, to which the city fathers, unable to find a convincing excuse to stay their lawful use of God-given rights, have agreed.

Moreover, the organizers have announced that Milo Yiannopoulos will be the marshal of the parade.

I am so not kidding.

Other timelines parallel to the one in which we live have written in to express their envy. The consensus of the multiverse is that this is the best timeline. The timeline where the Soviets won the Cold War, the Nazi won World War II, and the Confederates won the Civil War are generally regarded as inferior in terms of human rights violation, even though the Confederate world is more polite and hospitable.

In the 99% likely timeline where Hillary won the 2016 election, she successfully inflamed the Middle East, destroyed Israel, suppressed the Second and First Amendments, rounded up all Christians into internment camps, moved Fort Knox into her basement next to her illegal server, started a nuclear war with China, and opened the Hellmouth in Sunnydale, California.

And there is no Straight Pride Parade in that timeline.

All living beings in that universe, Men and Nicors, and Asir and Vanir, Jotans and Svartalfar, are begging to be permitted to flood into ours, to take refuge here, so that they can stuff ballot boxes and skew the vote and make our timeline like unto theirs, but Trump has erected a negative energy barrier preventing paratime transitions, despite the opposition of the House of Representatives.

We have Milo marshaling the Straight Pride Parade, and they do not. Strength truly is our diversity.

Normally, I would provide links to news sources confirming the story, but, thanks to savage internet censorship by the Big Brothers in Silicon Valley, there are none. Use Duck Duck Go to search for details, or otherwise you may come to the notice of the NSA, and be sent by cattle car to a reeducation camp in Alaska the next time a Dem wins the presidency.