A New Literary Movement in Speculative Fiction

Here below is the text of the original 2007 announcement and manifesto of the New Space Princess movement, which after a dozen years of failing to take the literary world by storm, has yet to take the literary world by storm. This is the type of progress one can only call unbelievable! 

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Manifesto for a New Literary Movement in Speculative Fiction

I would like to announce my own literary movement and literary manifesto: THE NEW SPACE PRINCESS MOVEMENT.

The literary movement will follow two basic principles: first, science fiction stories should have space-princesses in them who are absurdly good looking. Second, The space princesses must be half-clad (if you are a pessimist. The optimist sees the space princess as half-naked). Third, dinosaurs are also way cool, as are ninjas. Dinosaur ninjas are best of all.

Looks like that’s three principles, no?

Well, I know what you are thinking.

You are thinking, “Mr. Wright, if you actually could tell what I was thinking, wouldn’t you be out somewhere using your mind-reading powers for the good of mankind?”

The answer is, of course, no. If I had mind-reading powers, I would dress up in a black cloak and skull mask, and try to take over the world.

I would be careful to speak of myself only in the third person, and describe my plans to my worthy adversary. Said plans should include dinosaurs, or ninjas, or dinosaur ninjas, and involve melting the polar ice cap with my space-based particle beam weapon.

If I am lucky, my worthy adversary will be some bold consulting detective from England, with a name like Neyland or Sherlock, and he will have a doctor for a sidekick to write up the adventure.

If I am unlucky, I will be thwarted by meddling teenagers and a talking dog.

If I am very unlucky, my adversary will be The Shadow, who does not fool around. He knows; he laughs; he shoots. You frell with The Shadow, its not some comfy ride to Arkham Asylum for you, you just get a slug from a .45 blown through your ribs and lung tissue, and have an exit wound the size of a grapefruit.

Even Shiwan Khan bought the farm, and he had MIND POWERS fer crissake. After surviving three encounters, The Golden Master gets locked in a golden coffin and dropped from a crumbing building into an inferno.

If I am even more unlucky, I’ll get Richard Seaton as my adversary, which means the planet I am standing on, my entire race wherever situate in time and space, and maybe my galaxy might get wiped out by his seventh-order rays.

So you are probably wondering at this point: what about Space Princesses? Good question.

The first thing to remember, in writing a scene with a space princess, is not to show her actually ordering her marine guards to drub the uppity peasants with the butts of their space-rifles. In fact, avoid mentioning that she is a monarchist at all. She can express concern for the common people to indicate her warmheartedness. Have her engaged in a political marriage to the odious Prince Blackworm of planet Doomshadow IV (or insert your own space-name here), but when she breaks off the engagement to wed and bed the hero, by no means have the space-kingdom lose the peace treaty on which the marriage, and all the hopes of her whole planet, depended. Indeed, no state marriage or alliance should ever be shown having any purpose or any consequences whatever. If the queen of Sparta runs off with Paris to the city of Troy, she is just being true to her own inner self: what possible bad consequences could come of it?

The second thing to remember: bare midriffs.

This is what science fiction is actually all about. Let no one tell you differently.