Idol of Fentanyl Floyd Struck by Bolt from Heaven

Witnesses are saying that a Toledo mural of George Floyd, a career criminal famous for dying of a drug overdose, was struck by lighting and toppled.

The Toledo Fire and Rescue Department lists the cause of the collapse as a lightning strike based on witness reports and an inspection of the scene; but the Toledo building inspector, after interviewing witnesses and scene, blames natural aging.


The mural showed the figure crowned as king and lord. Most of the images of the mural available through Google search, as it happens, have the crown cropped away.

Adjacent are the words “change of mind” — this is one translation of the Biblical term “metanoia” which refers to salvation through repentance.

After being thunderstruck, the face was obliterated, but the borders of the image survived.

I have heard another version of the story. I cannot attest to the perfect accuracy, but a woman named Red Cortez told me not to be more concerned about being precisely, factually, and semantically correct than about being morally right.

 And the prophets of Marx said, Up, and let us make us gods, which shall go before us; for Floyd is a victim and martyr of White Supremacist Cishetero-Capitalist Patriarchy, and he shall lead us from bondage. Let us raise to Floyd a wall, and be it adorned with his image, that we may adore and serve him.

And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for mortar, and with this they erected a wall, unto which was Floyd adorned, a felon for them to adore and serve.

And CNN called on the name of Floyd from morning even until noon, saying, O Floyd, hear us. Save us from the Orange Man Bad! 

And they cried aloud, and cut themselves after their manner with knives and lancets, till the blood gushed out upon them.

But there was no voice, nor any that answered. And they leaped and danced before the wall which was made, because of a thrill up their legs.

 And it came to pass, when midday was past, and they prophesied until the time of the offering of the evening sacrifice, that there was neither voice, nor any to answer, nor any that regarded.

And the prayer went up from Rush Limbaugh: Hear me, O Lord, hear me, that this people may know that Blue Lives Matter, and the police shall not be defunded. 

Then the fire of the Lord fell down from heaven, and consumed the wall and the idol painted upon it, and the wood, and the stones, and the dust, and licked up the rainwater that was gathered there. 

And Rush said unto them, Take the prophets of CNN; let not one of them escape. And they took them: and Rush brought them down to the brook Kishon, and the viewer market share of CNN fell by seventy-five percent in their core demographic.